#78

Original post date – July 18th 2020

I want to heal the world but doing that with a soul that’s in need of so much is hard. – 4 weeks sober, lord knows the actions and inconsideration of others contributes towards my upset. I hear people saying “focus on yourself that’s all you can do” this to me feels careless and dissociative. I want to uplift others and do better. I want to be better.

Everyone has a vice, mine was marijuana, ever since my friend passed I smoked religiously to connect with the energy of her soul. I started driving 4 weeks ago and choose to make the hard decision of quitting. I have tried to find peace in my sanctuary that I have cultivated. When I see people acting without care for others this triggers me.

I could easily smoke and go back to what I think is my happy place. But what really need to see is accountability, I need those who make choices that contribute towards others mental demise to recognise that. Dismissal isn’t an option when you say my voice matters. How is it we live in a world where nearly everyone I know personally consumes marijuana and has no consideration for others, keep in mind in the UK where I’m from it’s illegal to smoke and or have it in your system, meanwhile the corrupt policy’s criminalise a herb and promote a legal drinking limit. Many black people don’t consume alcohol for use of healing, it’s a trauma plaster, that makes issues worse, people toxic and I don’t endorse it. Maybe my ramble hasn’t helped anyone and if that’s the case I apologise, but it has helped me hold back from rolling up and taking a break so I’d like to share that.

Times can be hard, especially when the actions you take are for others and not yourself, but think of that person you may be able to help uplift and heal. I am not perfect, but I am trying to be better. Are you?

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